Thursday, January 16, 2014

The beginning of a yearning

Sunlight on Manhattan buildings  |  The beginning of a yearning on afeathery*nest  |  http://afeatherynest.blogspot.com

When a woman reaches a certain age, especially if she's been married for a few years, the curious comments inevitably start.

When will you two have a baby?

Isn't it time to start a family?

You would make beautiful babies...

Amazingly, our families haven't ever really said anything (not counting my brother, who every time I mention a tummy ache gleefully asks, "Am I going to be an uncle???").

At some point, though, I too began to think of these things. Well, to think more about them. Especially with the arrival of my brother's son. The idea of having children, of being a mother, of having and strengthening a primal bond with a new life some day seem to always be on the periphery of my thoughts lately.

So this weekend when I saw Philomena it hit me in a way that I don't think it would have had I seen it a year ago. I don't want to give away the story too much, because it's something I think those of you I know that come here would probably enjoy, but while the trailer and overview of this (true) tale hinge on a mother's search for the son the Catholic Church forced her to give up, it's really more than that.

There's a line at the end of the movie where Philomena, marvelously played by Dame Judi Dench, says that she forgives the woman who did her wrong. The journalist who has been helping her trace her son bursts into an angry tirade, not understanding how she could "just forgive" someone who maliciously hurt her. She says something like, "I haven't 'just' forgiven her! It's hard! But I don't want to hate people. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be like you."

And therein lies an entirely different story. An entirely different lesson, if you will.

The entire movie churned up very strong feelings for me. The unjustness of the Catholic Church, of timing, of "if only I/she had done this earlier". But that line at the very end, that courage and lioness display of strength and acceptance, well, it gave me so much more.

One year ago: A sheaf of the past

6 comments :

  1. As someone in her late twenties who has now been married for a couple of years, I know exactly what you mean about those baby comments! They get to me more than they used to too, because I do feel like 30 is viewed as this milestone for women. More and more, I think I want to start a family, but then there are (perhaps conflicting) things I (and especially Aaron) want to do. It's kind of a lot of pressure, isn't it?

    I will have to watch Philomena. :)

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    1. Agree to everything you said!

      For a long time my "excuse" was, hello, we dated across the Atlantic for 4 years and before anything else we have to get in sync in the same country/timezone (since we only had 90 days after R entered the US to get married...not a lot of time for in-person courting!).

      And re: conflicting things—for me it's more about not being ready in terms of support system/home/job/etc. to take the plunge so to speak (versus doing specific bucket list type things), but then again, when will everything ever line up just perfectly?

      So, yes, lots of pressure...

      And please do watch Philomena, was a truly lovely movie!

      Xx.

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  2. a bit of topic, but the whole thing about others making reproductive decisions for you. The whole China situation. I mean US gets involved all over the place with bomb and wars when "human rights' are violated. But HELLO is it not a human rights violation to allow only 1 child? (and i hear that forced abortions are performed, i don't know if that's true even.. seems beyond all limits if it's true) Anyway...

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    1. Definitely a very sad reality, and without a doubt could be classified as a human rights violation! :/

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  3. Replies
    1. Ha! It's like he's always waiting for me to have a tummyache! :)

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XOXO,
J.